Lissiel's Journal

Assuming I don't fail any of my classes this semester please, self, please get your shit together, I will have a BA in roughly 11 weeks.

That game company is talking to M about coming up this summer, or early in the fall, to work full-time for them. So! We may be moving to Seattle after all, and pretty soon. geezus I wish they'd just make a decision about something all this back and forth is driving me crazy.

If we do move in, say, late August, it would make sense to have the wedding before we go. So June or July. Er. I think we're going to do super-soakers and Guitar hero. Because formal receptions are for pussies.

After that... um. I have no idea? The graduate program (in medieval lit! OMG YOU GUYS, A WHOLE PROGRAM IN MEDIEVAL LIT. O.O) that I'm interested in, I learn I should have applied to back in November? Er. So. I fail! I guess I'll do something non-or-only-vaguely academic next semester and try to apply for next year. What that might be, though... um. Is a good question!

I'm hoping, since spring break is coming up, and we're starting to look like we know what's going to be going on, a bit, that I'll feel like doing some art. I haven't drawn anything serious since December, and I really, really don't like that. Though I did draw a set of dr. seuss-esque emu and kiwis down the sides of my notes last week that turned out pretty cute. Not much beats tiny panicking fluffy birds. <3

And that's what I know! What are you guys up to?

I got my hair cut. It has long-ish layers now, that make it curl instead of frizz weirdly. The lady took more off the ends than I wanted though. It's maybe three, four inches from my belt? At least I don't need to worry about tucking it into my pants anymore.

Have read Rabbit, Run, Native Son, Evolution and Why it Matters, The Analects of K'ung Tsu, The Daxue (Higher Education) and Xiao Jing (Classic of Filial Piety), half of Graham's Disputers of the Tao, On the Warrior's Path, and The Art of Peace. Since two weeks ago. And I still have quite a bit more I'm supposed to have done. Why did I think 18 units was a good idea again?

Been playing with the slow cooker I got for Christmas. I love how convenient it is, but somehow everything I cook in it sucks. Tasteless, and unevenly cooked. :/ I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Valentines day is coming up. I guess this year we should really do something for that. Er. That doesn't involve taking the long weekend and just sleeping and catching up on homework. Probably. I don't know.

I don't know if it's the stress, or the graduation anxiety, or the lack of sleep and not remembering to eat, or some hormonal/neurochemical thing, but I've really been having a hard time, lately. I'm tired, and cranky, and I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything but sit around in my pajamas with M and play video games. Also, people have been writing SO MUCH SHINY, and I haven't had the spare time/energy/emotional well-being to read any of it for weeks and eeeeeeeeh. *whine, bitch, moan, complain*

This is why no one has heard from me for weeks. H-hi guys! I still love you! Tell me what you're doing. <3

I got up this morning and--as I do every day--stumbled mostly-asleep through making my first cup of tea. I boiled the water, got the tea and the sugar measured out just right, poured in the last of the cold soymilk which was just the right amount...and then dropped the whole giant cup square on my foot, brusing my toe and burning my legs and making a big mess.

"Well that sucks," I think, but I kind of laugh at it a little and clean up, change into my day-clothes, before making another cup.

I take THIS cup over to sit at my computer so I can check my email and drink tea, like I do every morning, you know, sit it down so I can type some, reach over to pick it up so I can take a sip...AND DROP THE WHOLE THING. AGAIN. All over myself and my computer. Now my clothes for the day are sopping, my computer is a glitchy piece of toast that won't even type, I'm burned on my legs AND chest, and I've still not gotten a drop of tea. I'm done.

I'm going back to bed.

Michael proposed to me on new years eve. Down on one knee and everything, right at the stroke of midnight. I nodded frantically, and when I could speak again, told him yes.

We haven't picked a date or anything yet.; we both definitely want to finish school first, though if he leaves in August and SJSU kindly refrains from dicking me into another semester, that puts us at "anytime after next summer," so. Hopefully, it'll be a very small, stress- and drama-free undertaking.

<3

-Walked Finn around an increasingly-crowded local park. Christmas displays are A++. Cute construction-worker girl who petted Finn, A++. Creepy-ass hordes of drunk-at-10am businessmen? F-.

-Went to class. This should not feel like an accomplishment.

-Did not nap! (self, why are you so tired all the time these days, wtf?)

-Sat around on the couch for a few hours, vaguely screwing around on the computer and sulking for all the time that I wasn't napping.

-Did my reading for American Lit. :Db Poe is kind of fucking awesome; somehow, I always forget.

-Realized that filing my graduation paperwork meant I had to start figuring out wtf I'm going to do with myself after school. Since it looks like we won't be moving to Seattle after all--or, at least, not in January anyway--I get to start back at the beginning on this. Just as I had gotten accustomed to the idea, too. >:( Spent two hours or so crying/freaking out my dog.

-Half-way done with the AmerLit paper I was supposed to be writing yesterday. >.> This is...like progress?

-Lost two turns to re-reading bits of Z/C/S christmas-fluff. Did not pass 'Go'. Paper still incomplete.

-Moar screwing around on the internet, IJ not least. Sigh. Can I just hide now?

Took Michael to the Airport this morning, to make sure the GPS worked before I headed down south this weekend.

Have named GPS "Cobalt", because it gives me orders and makes me cry.

Me: This is a parking lot. THIS IS A PARKING LOT, why do you want me to turn into a parking lot?!

Cobalt: Calculating new route. :D

Me: *cries*

Yesterday, we got a call from Global Exchange (or rather, Global Exchange Vacation Group, which is a completely different and much less legitimate company, though they neglected to mention this at first), telling us that we'd won a free trip. The woman I spoke to gave me a bit of official spiel, then asked for some confirmation data on us. I'm figuring at this point that this is probably a scam, since they had our address wrong and other minor stuff, and had been calling me Ms. Fromwiller this whole time (which I typically just respond to, since it's easier than wasting my time explaining). We spend several rounds going "Are you married?--No. So you're single?--No, we're partners. So you're married?--NO." as I get increasingly offended by her complete inability to grasp the concept of cohabitation. Then she says--and I shit you not--"I just want to check some personal data, make sure I'm not talking to a minor bride. Are you between 25 and 70?"

I gape for a little bit, then tell her that no, I'm twenty three, but that's not a minor since one achieves majority at 18 in the United States. She says--again, I'm not making this shit up--"Well, I'm sure you want to take advantage of this offer, so can I talk to your Mommy or Daddy?" Thoroughly enraged at this point, I grit out "My partner is 26. I'll let you talk to him." and leave Michael to deal with them. They keep him on the phone for nearly an hour, passed him off to three separate speakers, and then finally heard him saying "I want to research your company before I give you my information or make any agreements." So he hangs up, and sure enough, they're a scam company.

Tonight, they called back. Mike basically says, "Uh no, how dumb do you think I am" though my more politely than I would have managed, and they hang up.

Five minutes later, the phone rings again. It's that same woman from before, with some sob story about needing this reservation or she'll lose her job. Now--I'm horrified that someone theoretically representing their company would call us back after we've told them quite unequivocally "no", but Mike's the one one the phone and he's nicer than I am, so he agrees to her request to sign him up under false information. I stare at him for most of the whole conversation like--why the fuck would you waste time on these people? They're rude, they're unprofessional, and they're trying to scam you!! Argh. Little over an hour later, he FINALLY gets off the phone, and we get back to trying to get dinner on.

Five minutes after that, the phone rings AGAIN. AND IT'S THAT CHICK. She's all, thank you so much, that's so nice--that email you gave us earlier, is it your real email? Mike tells her yes (but not that it's purely for junk mail and he never checks it). And she--once more, I could not make this shit up--tells him how much she wants to be friends, how VERY grateful she is, and maybe she'll send him a few pictures of her, so he'll know what she looks like, y'know...just in case he wants to... spend some time with her. ;laksdhg;lashdg;lkh I am in the kitchen, listening, watching his face get more and more creeped-out looking, and I just. INCANDESCENT RAGE.

WTF? Seriously. Seriously, wtf. Life: You're doing it wrong, lady.



In other news? The Doctrine of Labyrinths series by Sarah Monette is really good. I just finished The Virtu, and I enjoyed it immensely.

So, I'm standing at the little market today, trying to decide whether I care if my lemons are organic or not, and I hear this little click. Curious, I turn around, and there's some weirdo taking pictures of me and finn.

"Excuse me, wtf ru doin?" I ask. He goes off on some spiel about being from the Mercury News, doing a report on grocery stores, can he take my picture? I'm like--Don't you usually ask BEFOREHAND? No you cannot use my picture, you are creepy and kind of an asshole. Then he sort of sneers at me. "You know that's illegal?" he asks. Well. No. As a matter of fact, I didn't. No one had ever said anything at the market--some had actually stopped to pet finn--and honestly...I mean, I'm from Carmel. People bring their dogs to restaurants. I know some places prefer you don't, but...illegal?

I just went and paid, half-way through with my shopping, and went home. Seriously, wtf? I would understand someone asking me not to bring finn in--that'd been fine. But this guy was so offensive about it... I am sick, and pms-y, and do not understand why people feel the need to hassle me every time I leave the house by myself. I really don't. Also, I want my mommy. *four-year-old face*

Dear People of San Jose,

Amazingly, not all dogs are very comfortable around strangers--canine or hominid. And even dogs that ARE shouldn't be hassled because, guess what? YOU DON'T KNOW which category a strange dog falls into. Crazy talk, I know.

In light of this, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't run up behind me and start petting my dog before I know you're there. Likewise, a quick "Does your dog do well with other dogs?" is generally considered polite before you let your barking, growling mutts run right up into his face.

Please don't whistle to or call my dog over when I'm talking to someone who isn't you, or indeed at any time unless I've indicated previously that I want my dog (and me, at the other end of that leash, remember) anywhere near your creepy-ass face.

I shouldn't even have to say this--yes, drunk gaggle of posturing idiots, I'm talking to you--but if you're walking up to a lone woman and her cute little fluffball, you win NO COOL POINTS for growling at the dog until it decides you're a threat. And, when I ask you to please not freak my dog out, you're not fooling anyone when you wait until you're two steps behind my back and start growling again and add some barking. Next time, I will let Fin bite you, you stupid fuck, and when the police come I will--quite accurately--tell them that you and your five friends felt the need to threaten me when I was alone, and you can go to jail. With your dog bites. So fuck off.

All you nice people who talk to me and then wait until I lead Fin over to coo and pet him? Thank you for not sucking. Carry on.

--The management.

Yesterday, Michael and I went to the store to pick up some stuff for dinner. He was a little way off, grabbing the cart, while I walked ahead into the store. I get a few feet through the door, and suddenly there's this very large man--maybe danny's age?-- looming over me a few inches away and behind my shoulder. "Partridge family, right? That tattoo--it's the partridge family symbol?" The tone of voice wasn't actively threatening, but it was definitely obnoxious; I said "Ha ha" in a monotone and walked off quickly, scared and spitting mad. I felt like...I'm just trying to buy rice, here. What the fuck gives him the right to try and start shit?

Michael catches up to me, and he's mad at me. Apparently, he heard my reply, looked up to see us already a foot or two apart, and had to stand there while the guy muttered his apology, looking completely lost as to why I would have behaved so rudely. Michael didn't know either.

The thing is, though, is that this isn't an isolated incident. I get strangers hassling me pretty close to every time I leave the house alone. Strangers will come up behind me and start touching my tattoo when I leave it bare, or I get comments like "OOoh--is that a penguin? Tough tat!" or "Yee-ah, I like chicks with tattoos, *leer*". I mean, I get hit on and have guys make derogatory remarks about other stuff too, not just my tattoo, but... y'know? I suspect rather strongly that any girls who read this will know what I'm talking about. Nothing big enough to really complain about or anything, but enough to leave you really uncomfortable, and maybe kind of scared. It pretty much never happens if I'm out with Mike, only when I'm alone.

So I'm standing there, just completely fed up that some stranger thinks it's funny or ok to try and threaten me when I'm just trying to get dinner--in an ankle-length skirt and loose tank-top!--and it turns out that, instead, I've actually just been really rude to someone who was only really socially inept instead of actively asshole-ish. And I feel really bad! And I catch myself thinking--well, I can deal with getting bothered or threatened or even hurt (because who doesn't get this kind of shit and immediately start thinking "well, if this got out of hand..."), but I don't think I can deal with being the kind of shrew who'd embarrass her mate in public. Which. True! But also kind of awful.

I've got no close to this post. I don't know what to think about it, or what I should have done. The incident bothers me, and I'm not really any closer to understanding why or feeling particularly calm about it. I know I over-reacted to the immediate situation; I knew it at the time. It's a really really minor thing on its own; it just happens so frequently. I don't know. I just reached the point where it was like--what gives you the right to get all up in my face? I'm not bothering anybody. I'm not even out on my own! You scared me and I don't appreciate it, ok? And then I felt like a total bitch for feeling that way.

Last night I went to bed at two, woke up at five, went to wake Michael up at eight (which put me back to sleep) and then woke up again at 9:30. WTF, self?

I have! Caught up on my mindless, obnoxious, unrelated to anything the hire add said it would be work for the internship, for the moment! Spent a week in Monterey--well, in Tia's house--taking care of her, since the blood clot means she doesn't get around so well atm! Made Jam! Made crazy-delicious apple pie! Cleaned my house which, oh g-d, did it ever need! Called the insurance people! Called the restaurant that overcharged us! Gone down and picked up my medicine! Worried a lot about: school, the fire down in big sur, Tia, my mom, Tiana, Sam, Danny, our lease running out and what to do after, school, whether I suck so bad at writing I should never do it again, whether I should take a concentration in technical writing, and, just for kicks, a lot of school.

I have not! Written the romance challenge piece that I wanted, or even outlined it satisfactorily. Got my shit together to see Greta I'M SORRY! or Zeana or basically anyone. Watched Hellboy 2 Hot royal elf action??. Figured out what I want to do for my birthday. Given Matt his birthday present/dinner. GONE DOWN TO TALK TO THE SCHOOL GUY OMG SELF YOU HAVE TO REGISTER LIKE YESTERDAY D: .

Nightmares: Down to roughly one a week, give or take. Woke up convinced I was lying in bed next to a corpse, this week. Yay. -_-;

Birthday mathoms written/drawn/whatever: 1 1/2

Times I've wished it were september already: 97,923,759,723,857,293,485,723,985

Amounts bid on my LLM post: $50, and $35, respectively.

So nuts, these last few weeks! O.O

So, first there were the eight bazillion papers that everyone wanted, which I got a's on. *nail buff* And then finals, which everyone always loves. I got an A in the Elizabeth class, and b+'s in both the bible and the aikido class--aikido I just really suck at, I don't know how you can NOT get an A in PE for crying out loud, but Bible I was honestly annoyed at. *shrug* So not the 4.0 I'd be hoping for, but a 3.6 GPA with my track record is nothing to sneeze at, so I'll take what I can get.

Then, like two days after my last final was fanime, which we realized at the last possible instant. The Kanda cosplay I'd been planning kind of fell through, but I did end up with a pretty cute Mitsuru and a decent gothic lolita get-up. We ended up getting like 10 hours of sleep the whole weekend, though, and it was really cold (esp. in my costumes which, while considerably more modest than some, weren't exactly warm) and we kind of ate whatever or didn't given the severe lack of vegetarian food available at con and our unwillingness to miss stuff, so it shouldn't have been surprising that I was woozy the whole last day and sick for the next week pretty much there-after. My throat is still sore, though I'm not nauseated or exhausted anymore, and the headache is gone. Friday Christina got her wisdom teeth out, so she stayed the weekend with us, which was kind of hilarious in that between the medicine she was on that knocked her out and me being sick, there was a lot more competitive sleeping going on than actual socializing. *Fail-lol*

But today I was feeling much better and was very productive! The house got a much-needed cleaning, and I got a resume pulled together and wrote some cover-letters and applied to a bunhc of different internships for the summer (keep your fingers crossed?). Michael found a job just like the one he had in hawaii only better paying friday after business hours, but when he went to check it out today it was already filled, so he's back to looking. :( But either way, hopefully neither of us will be bored this summer.

What's everyone else doing?

I'm at a place emotionally the last couple of days where I kind of want to hole up in my room and not have to interact with anyone at all. Not that people have been mean or that I'm upset with anyone or anything like that! But like... dealing with people right now is literally just so exhausting. :( I think end-of-semester stress is creeping up on me. It's like... "Self! You can't just curl up in bed and alternate tea-paper writing-kitten pictures until autumn comes! It doesn't work like that!" orz

So. So yeah. If I'm not as forthcoming about talking/hanging out as people would like, plz not to be taking it personally?

*hides*

Had my skills test in Aikido today. Not too bad, overall; I didn't forget any of the wrist stretches, and I didn't fuck up the standing backwards rolls like I was worried I was. Got a little wobbly on the seated tokiho, but to be expected I guess. Lightheaded+ rolling around on the ground= not too steady, sometimes, though I'd really thought I was not that sick anymore. I feel almost 100% better. *shrug*

Sam came over and spent the night this weekend, which was really fun. We made sushi. <3 And watched an INCREDIBLY creepy japanese kids movie called "Yokai Wars" which. Probably if I had seen it, I would have chosen something else, but in the negotiations in Blockbuster it still ranked better than "Family Guy". Lol. Also, sam kicks butt at Digital Devil Saga. Somehow, I totally fail to be surprised. Damn that kid is cool.

Friday, Greta and I are going to go out dancing at this place on first st. called Splash!. Never been, but heard it's good, so. <3 If it turns out to be cool, maybe we'll invite Cristina next time, make it a real girls night. I really miss dancing; you wouldn't think it'd be that hard for a 20-something girl to find people to go out dancing with, but damn. Really looking forward to it.

Also, those teas came! I made iced tea with the peppermint I got, and it was heavenly. <3 Really cool and refreshing and good, and without that weird bitter aftertaste mint teas sometimes have. I was impressed.

Today, I feel like shit. :(

Monday I was kind kind of tired and blah, yesterday I was sniffle-y and headache-y and a bit lightheaded, and today swallowing feels like gargling needles and I feel groggy and dizzy and achy and coughing and runny nose and just. Not very fun. :(((, I say. Also v. hungry, see the swallowing thing. And michael feels not so great today either.

Think we'll bundle up and go to the store, in case we both end up sick and don't want to go out, and then maybe go to bible class? I already had to miss aikido (cause tumbling+ skills test+ dizzy= superfail) and I'd rather not miss more class. I dunno. Maybe. Meantime, I'll whine on my journal. Best plan, go.

Went down to Monterey this weekend, had a really nice easter. Got to be with my whole family (minus danny. D:). We got together at Robatas for dinner Friday night, and sam slept over with us at tia's house--in his own bed, all night long, didn't give us any trouble at all because he's very good--then went to the preserve for brunch, and it was yummy and nancy came and sam found about 99.9 bazillion eggs. Then we all went to Meme's house and hung out with her and papa. They just had to put down their dog, so they've been having a rough time, and I think they enjoyed the company. And Tiana--jeez, after all this time being so careful not to show or mention my tattoo because I knew Papa would freak out and I didn't want to upset him? Tiana leaves hers showing, and sure enough what's the first thing out of her mouth when he sees and starts to freak? "Misha's got one too!" orz. I was thiiiiiiiis close to killing her outright.

*huff*

Then we came home and ( watched some movies )

Then we picked up some herbs and strawberries and a little cherry-tomato starts, which I will hopefully not kill before we get to eat from them, which should be fun. <3 I like playing in dirt.

Altogether a very nice start to spring break.<3

How you can tell you've spent too much time studying lately: it's almost dawn and you're so used to staying up you're not even tired yet. *headdesk*


Things that are happy-making, in no particular order:

Spring Break! Whoot. Hanging out with people, and seeing family and going to the Egyptian Museum, and maybe a puppy. :D Good times, good times.

Tomorrow Matt is coming over for dinner, and we're gonna have fondue, and maybe play some Smash Brothers or watch a movie or something.

I got back all but one of my midterm papers and tests, and so far the lowest I've gotten has been a 91%. Rock. After the way I screwed around my first year of college, I thought my GPA was pretty well shot, but SJSU doesn't carry over GPA from your previous institutions, so if I can make straight A's this semester, that means I'm rockin a 4.0. Sweet deal.

My Age of Elizabeth teacher is taking suggestions on the historical fiction we're going to read at the end of class, y'know, "look at the cover, read the blurb on the back, check the number of pages, and let me know if you find something that looks good." She specifically told us to go look for one that was "hot". "Think how much faster it'll read if there's a lot of sex!" she tells us. I hunker down over my desk and laugh until I can't breathe. Oh man, such a crush on her. <3

Meine Liebe. Looking at the character design, you'd swear this would devolve quickly into big big yaoi plotlessness, but it actually ends up being gratifyingly political and fun, and the characters are interesting if somewhat juvenile (well, it IS a school-anime, so I shouldn't be suprised, and the adults are REALLY interesting). *shrugs* I enjoyed it, and will definitely watch the first season if I can find it somewhere. Loveless this is not, but still pretty good.

Poked more at the Cyberpunk!Mercenaries story I was working on. Eh. You'd think heist-fic would be exciting to write. I dunno. My characters still want to just sit around and talk instead of actually doing anything, and the pacing=fail. *sigh*

Midterms. Argh. For the record? Everyone ever hates Leviticus. Even G-d hates Leviticus.

In better news! Awesome things!

1. Tiny little houses. I don't know what about these I love so much, except that they just seem so cozy and easy and you could take them anywhere. /gypsy

b.Alien Lolcat alksdhghak You guys. I don't even know what torchwood is. Just. ALIEN LOLCAT. a;lsjdghga. Go read it.

III.Space 1889: The Adventure Of Le Cirque De Venus A Victorian Ball in Space. Steampunk FTW. You all have no idea how much I want to get a group together for this. *puppy eyes*

Four. Michael's Birthday. Went to the Melting Pot for slightly expensive but really really good fondue dinner (cute place with good service too, btw. I'd definitely recommend it for those of you who might have a date to impress at some point), and then went to see Diary of the Dead after. ( Good date movie, Y/Y? )

Tonight, around 7pm, there's going to be the last total eclipse of the moon until 2010. Space.com has more info

The moon may turn red. :D

In other news, the new apartment is slowly but surely looking less like a bomb-area and more like a home. We'll see if I can get things pulled together this week or what, but sometime in the next couple of weeks, I'd like to have people over, so if you see this and have plans to do something else that you already know, drop a comment so I can start thinking how to get everyone in the same place at the same time?

So, I'm taking a couple of classes. SJSU's dicking me around (surprise surprise)and saying that I can't take gen ed classes because they haven't decided what my classes from before will transfer as, and a lot of the upper division classes require you to have finished your gen ed and also to have taken a test to prove eng 1b writing skills (which, if they make me take it, will really annoy me. Just for the record.) But! I've gotten into a couple:

The Bible as Literature: Looks like it's going to be really interesting, and the teacher, while personally clearly devoutly Christian, is at least trying to talk about other perspectives on the text, and ways that the text influences non-religious parts of American culture from the arts to civil rights to current science. Unfortunately, she thinks we're all idiots. She asked a whole room full of upper division college english majors today whether any of use knew what a "motif" was. Seriously. Seriously, you guys. *cries, a little*

The Age of Elizabeth: A look at both the ways that Elizabeth herself used language--in speeches, and in court documents/proceedings, and her poetry-- and the ways she influenced various important creative minds of the day. Any class that gives me an excuse to make fun of Sydney's raging crush on Elizabeth is a good class. Also? My teacher is really really cool. <3

YogaAikido: I know, some of you are reading that going ??? The story goes that I got 45 minutes through my first day of yoga at school today before I realized I'd gotten into an aikido class by mistake. We're in the middle of a throw, and I say to my partner "you know, I realize yoga styles can be really different and it's been a while and all, but..." And then my partner went "Ur so dum. Lolz." And I facepalmed a lot. And then the teacher has to come over and find out why we're both down on the mat laughing ourselves sick. :Db I feel like I ought to be embarrassed but at this point I'm just still too amused to feel it. *shrug* But it was really fun, and I've been wanting to do aikido at some point anyway, and I already had the add code, so I'm gonna stay with it. :D

Internship Not sure where yet, but I have an appointment to meet with the coordinator, and we're going to work out the details. I'll proof-read, which is always fun Seriously, getting paid to read stuff. A+ But on the other hand, I'll have to meet new people and deal with them. It will probably be scary and awful. Some of both. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me.