Lissiel's Journal

Michael proposed to me on new years eve. Down on one knee and everything, right at the stroke of midnight. I nodded frantically, and when I could speak again, told him yes.

We haven't picked a date or anything yet.; we both definitely want to finish school first, though if he leaves in August and SJSU kindly refrains from dicking me into another semester, that puts us at "anytime after next summer," so. Hopefully, it'll be a very small, stress- and drama-free undertaking.

<3

Today is mine and Michael's anniversary. We've been together for five years. O.O It...both seems entirely impossible that it's been that long and odd in that I keep thinking it's been longer. Oh, brain, you just keep on failin' ok? <3

He got me a pumpkin shaped, pumpkin pie scented candle about the size of two fists, and an adorable pumpkin shaped candy jar. My boy, he knows me so well. I'm taking him out to dinner at the fondue place he likes, and then we're going to go see quarantine tonight, which we've both been looking forward to for a while.

Five years. Damn.

It's been a good ride, so far. <3

1: A short film on John McCain. Just in case any of you aren't registered to vote yet. Pretty damning.



2. We got a new puppy! His name is Finnen; he's an American Eskimo Dog, about eight years old. Our friend Jenny found him wandering about two weeks ago, no collar, no chip, really dirty and with sores from not being taken care of, and no one had mentioned him to any of the local shelters, so we ended up taking him in. And he is the biggest sweetheart EVER. He follows me around the house as I work, and slept on the floor next to my side of the bed until we gave up and moved his pillow. ( Click to see pictures of his adorableness.<3 )

Michael and I went out on a date tonight. He took me to this place off 11th street called the "Vegetarian House International Cuisine". It's a little hole-in-the-wall looking place with weird decorations, and it's run by a cult/small religion, but the staff was really professional and nice and informative, and everything on their menu is vegan and mostly organic, and everything we tried was so crazy delicious. Not even just good; we were eating stuff we don't even like, like shitake mushrooms for mike and brown rice for me, and we were getting so full it hurt and we kept eating more because that's how insanely good it was. Also, their vanilla cake was really good. I want to go back and bring everyone I know.

I seriously think San Jose must be like the best place in the universe to be vegetarian. <3

YOU ALL HAVE TO STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND GO WATCH THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

Destroy All Robots! and don't forget to watch the outtakes too!

WATCH IT OR REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

So, I'm getting on a plane tomorrow and coming home!! YAAAAY!!! And those of you who've had the misfortune of trying to travel with me know how utterly neurotic I get right before I have to walk out the door for that kind of thing, because I'm convinced I've forgotten something and OMG YOU CANNOT BUY TOOTHBRUSHES IN CALIFORNIA IT WILL BE THE END OF THE WORLD OMGOMGOMG!!!1.

So, in the spirit of not going through my packing a fourth time and having to re-do it again, I bring you a brief intro to Arashi, with more reasons to love them (for those of you who weren't listening the first couple of times, omgseriously why don't you all love them as much as I do yet??? T^T?)

The thing about Arashi that makes them very very different from anything in the American market, as far as I'm concerned, is that they're happy. American musicians sing about smacking up their hos and shooting police, or their slutty girlfriends cheating on them, or how their women hate them and such? Arashi's song lyrics are all "It's definately going to be all right" or "In the next five years, who will be by my side? It'll be the five of us, again. <3" (Yes, matsujun wrote a song about how much he loves his bandmates. Seriously. They are all so wooby.)

American Stars go on drug binges and star in reality shows where they sleep their way through the household and scream inebriated obscenities at each other on the lawn? Arashi does shows about visiting cranky old people, and taking care of little kids so their parents can go on dates. But they're not all sweetness and light. They ARE twenty-something boys, who've been friends since they left home at about ten. Nothing delights them quite as much as making each other do COMPLETELY ABSURD, BIZARRE THINGS. Like the one time they made ohno go to an okama bar. :Db

The short answer is: THEY ARE HUGE DORKS AND YOU SHOULD LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE HILARIOUS.

( The long answer is under this cut, with picspam and youtube links. Seriously, you guys. )

*To be continued*

So. I've been talking to people about this, and recently ran into a number of people from highschool that I haven't talked to in ages, and I've been thinking.

I really... back in the day, when I was so messed up in the head, I hated myself so much, and I wasted so much time not being able to see myself or the people around me clearly. And, I mean, I know I still can't to a large degree, but now... I don't know. I feel like, I spent so long being unhappy, making choices to punish myself, and feeling like I couldn't--for whatever dumb reasons I had--just go ahead and make choices that would make me happy.

I've felt this for a while now, but... I don't want that anymore. I want to just make choices that will make me happy, and whatever excuses I've been giving myself can just be worked around. I don't want to hold back anymore. I don't want to regret so much. I don't want to be afraid, constantly, that something somehow might go wrong. I look at the people around me--Tia's resilience, Mom's aggressive competence, Daniel's generous spirit, Michael's kindness, all of them--and I think... me too. I want to be like that too. I know I still have a long way to go, but. I want to start. *

In more concrete terms, this means a couple of things. One, I'm coming home. I'm glad I came here; I learned a lot, both personally and academically, and I'm glad I proved what I had to prove. But I hate being here by myself, isolated from everyone, and if I can NOT do that and still get a good education? That's what I'm going to do.

Two, it means that I'm going to go vegetarian, and flirt with how I like vegan options. I've wanted to do this for a while, and never did because I always felt like it would cause too much trouble to the people around me, and I had to cook meat for Michael or I'd be a bad girlfriend, and... etc. And that's just dumb. It's best for me health-wise, it's congruent with my personal ethical values, and I enjoy veggie food ten times more than I've ever enjoyed meat. Not doing this is punishing myself. I'm stopping.

Three, I want to spend time with people. I'll still require a good amount of time to myself--I think that's just how I work, rather than a problematic habit--but I want to make sure I go out and do things too. I'm going to go out and hang out with people and if they have injokes I don't get, or if I feel like an outsider or whatever, that's ok. I'm not going to judge myself against people like Z who make it look easy anymore. You guys might have to be patient with me on this one though. Loving, supportive friends are really really important.

I realize this is kind of hella late in coming, but. *shrug* There it is.

In completely unrelated news? ( This arashi fanvid makes my heart want to explode. *headdesk* )
I've become one of those fans, haven't I?


* Entertainingly enough? Just as I was writing this? Matsujun's song "La Familia" came on Itunes. The lyrics fit so well!
Understanding myself, and vaguely knowing what kind of place I'm at
During the times when I couldn't trust in anyone,
during the times when I couldn't see my surroundings clearly,
there have been instances where I've wasted a lot of time,
and instances where I understand clearly yet still cannot do it
Taking each step with my own feet, surpassing the barriers, that is the present
"These past five years, I've never been alone."
Experiencing this everyday, I walked through five years.
Ilusm, Itunes.

I have been on the phone ALL FREAKING DAY. *wants to die a little* *also, never to speak out loud again*

1) My mommy is the best mommy ever. After like, five or six local people being like "Um? Do I know you? Plz go away now." at me over the interview thing, trying for literally weeks to get someone to talk to me? Mom gives me a list of people she knows this morning, like "Give them a call, they'll be cool" and I already have someone set up to talk to me wends. morning. The major lesson I've learned from this whole exercise? It's not what you know, it's totally who you know. *headdesk*

2) SJSU can suck my metaphorical boyparts. Seriously. I've called them three times AND sent them an email at this point just trying to figure out whether my application is complete. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION, OK? So it looks like I won't be able to come home next semester after all. -_- I just. Seriously, guys. Seriously. *cries*
The woman at applications won't even talk to me. Isn't it her JOB to answer questions? The phone goes to her when you push the "for more detailed questions..." button. Why?

3) Whatever genius decided that signing up for next semester's classes during finals crunch-time was a good idea? Should be dragged out back and shot. I seriously hate this place so much, omg. Why does everyone here suck so bad?

Hope everyone is having fun, eating good food, and not killing their family. :P

/Edit: If anyone is looking for a really good anime to watch, might I recommend "Saiunkoku Monogatari (Tale of Saiunkoku)"? It's... The first episode isn't very confidence-inspiring, and the main character has a bad case of "everyone's in love with me"-itis, but those are the ONLY bad things I can think to say about this show. AND IT HAS WOMEN! PLURAL WOMEN! WHO DO ACTUAL STUFF! AND TALK TO EACH OTHER! ABOUT STUFF OTHER THAN MEN! *ded of luv* Also, it's full of awesome political plotting, and a very subtly absurd sense of humor, and the art is sooo pretty. And the womenz. <3 YOU GUYZ. Go watch it right now, seriously.

So, I'd like to send out christmas cards this year, but I don't have addresses for almost anyone. If anyone would like a christmas card, could they post their mailing address for wherever they'll be a week-and-a-half or so from now in a comment to this post? I'll go ahead and screen the comments so that no one but me should be able to see them.

Today, honolulu is covered with a big cool grey sky full of clouds- no rain, just cool(er) temperatures and not such bright sunlight. <3 It makes me feel all cozy and content. Also! I found my keys, and the people at the bank just did what I asked them to without making me fight with them about it, and Rent is paid and the midterm I was worrying about got pushed back to tuesday so we'd have time for a review day, and I feel a lot more ready for it now.

The misha is happy girl and you all are loves.

The amazing women in my life, let me tell you about them:

Tia is incredibly resilient. No matter what gets thrown at her, she takes it in and then moves past it while still maintaining this...joy in living that very few people I know match. Also, she fights like a lioness for her family.

Meme takes no shit from anyone about anything. She sees things remarkably clearly, and she always has my back no matter what anyone else says or thinks. I rely on her more than I think she knows.

Mommy gets ten times the sheer amount of stuff done as anyone else I know. It's kind of O.O, her schedule. Also, her willingness to let herself be as happy and amazing and brilliant as she really is, which may not make a lot of sense but if you think about it, how many women do you know who go "Oh, I'm not smart enough/pretty enough/ high-class enough/ whatever enough to do____" ? My mom may say that, but she turns around and does whatever it is anyway, and that never stops impressing me to no end.

Zeana's persistence. The way she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to sit down and insist on it, and to do whatever it takes to make it happen where a lot of people would just give up is really inspiring to me.

Greta's bravery, leaving home and friends and comfort zone, and then leaving an abusive relationship even with all the havoc that threw her life into, and just... taking everything so so gracefully, and not being afraid to ask for help when she needs it, and just. <3 She can come off as very delicate, and then you get to know her and she has this inner reserve of not just strength, but really grace to her that's really amazing.

Sarah for managing to be girly and enjoy all that comes with that without being a crazy delusional bitch or a complete idiot. It's a rare combo somehow, and yet, really a treat to have someone I can talk to about make-up and bath stuff and not have to put up with suck. <3

So, I'm still too sick to, y'know, sit up for long periods of time, but I managed to eat half an english muffin earlier, which means I have the energy to do something other than stare at the ceiling and want to die! A+

Obviously, this means I should spam you all in LJ-land.

1. If anyone is looking for new music, Mediaeval Baebes are awesome. They're medieval pop. In everything from latin to old french to cornish. And the main singer has a super-sexy voice. Mmm. *loves*

2. I've seen/heard a couple of people say that people get on them for being enthusiastic about stuff, like its some sort of obsession or something and I haven't really said anything for one reason or another... And I just want to put it out there that, generally speaking? If there's something that makes you happy, that's awesome. Being happy is HARD WORK. It doesn't just happen. So whatever does it is a good thing, in my book. Because, really, if you're not happy, being cool or mature or whatever is pretty meaningless, isn't it? So whether its girly soaps or technopop or jesus or whatever, I hope that all of my friends can find something that makes them feel good, and I hope they know that I 100% support that as long as it doesn't hurt them or anyone else. /sappy

3.Remember that art post I made a while ago? Danny has the whole triptych up on his website, now that it's finished, in case people are interested. www.luckylewis.com. I'm pretty pleased with them, and suprisingly, the crone one, which I was most worried about, ended up being my favorite. ♥

What are y'all-kids up to? Spam me, I'm bored. *pitiful face*

A couple of things regarding the next month:

1) I will be in town from the night of the 29th (this friday! Yay!) to the fourth of august. I am very much looking forward to hanging out, so plz to make some time?

2) A group expedition is being tentativly planned for those of us who've never made it up to the Winchester Mystery House. Cause living this close, it's just sad. and we'll probably be driving up to San Jose at some point anyway Possibly there will also be japan-town and/or Mitsuwa runs.

3. I want to do at least one bonfire while I'm home, more if schedules and weather permit. Anyone interested? We could put hotdogs and marshmallows on sticks and set them on fire! I mean, really, who doesn't love setting stuff on fire? Also, what are people's plans for the fourth of july?

4.SAM'S GOING TO BE SEVEN ALREADY OMG HE'S SO BIG D: !!! Um. Sam's B-day is the third of July. Already. Feel free to make merry in his name across the land, like christmas. seriously, he's like... past my shoulders. I can't even. Geez.

5. My birthday is the third of august. I have no idea about party-stuff yet. Um. ...suggestions?

/edit: For mommy, since she asked, My amazon wishlist

There's no way to wake up like waking up to the sounds of panicked screaming and numerous people running/jumping on the floor above you. I was half-way out the door onto the lanai-- stark bloody naked-- before michael yanked me back inside and I woke up enough to realize that it wasn't some sort of horrible emergency, but rather, spanish-speaking people violently disagreeing over we have no idea what. Stomping their feet as hard as they can and literally screaming at the top of their lungs. I mean, seriously wha

Holy shit, Michael is my hero. *beams* DEAD SILENCE. ♥

I just wanted to let everyone know that Tia and Mom and I are ok over here on Maui. It looks like we were far enough out that we were spared the worst of it, though I hear Honolulu got hit harder. There was one incident this morning, when a decaying corpse tried to haul itself over the rocks while we were having our coffee this morning at about the crack of dawn, but Tia-- you guys would have been so proud of her-- pelted her romance-novel at the thing's head and knocked it right back into the water, and after that it didn't seem coordinated enough to get back up, and got carried off towards molokai.


...Well, ok, and there were some dazed and peeling forms shambling their ways aimlessly across the road to lurch heedlessly at the passing traffic regardless of life or limb down on front st in Lahaina, but in all fairness, they might have been tourists. I... I can't really tell the difference, to be honest.

To those of you on the mainland, give us a shout if you're ok, I hear it got pretty bad out there.