Lissiel's Journal

This post was almost titled "I would hit that in a New York Second". Cause, um, WOW.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_EfVtiUBSc&feature=channel

Also, Tokyo Hotel?


...I am not learning German now. T.T Who said German guys could be hot now? And he's a twin. Cripes.

/Edit: Oh man. IOWA got marriage equality before we did? Fail, California. Faaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiil. -_-;

I got up this morning and--as I do every day--stumbled mostly-asleep through making my first cup of tea. I boiled the water, got the tea and the sugar measured out just right, poured in the last of the cold soymilk which was just the right amount...and then dropped the whole giant cup square on my foot, brusing my toe and burning my legs and making a big mess.

"Well that sucks," I think, but I kind of laugh at it a little and clean up, change into my day-clothes, before making another cup.

I take THIS cup over to sit at my computer so I can check my email and drink tea, like I do every morning, you know, sit it down so I can type some, reach over to pick it up so I can take a sip...AND DROP THE WHOLE THING. AGAIN. All over myself and my computer. Now my clothes for the day are sopping, my computer is a glitchy piece of toast that won't even type, I'm burned on my legs AND chest, and I've still not gotten a drop of tea. I'm done.

I'm going back to bed.

Argh. Argh.

I am going to graduate in May. Probably. Assuming the school actually lets me take every class I need to next semester, and assuming they haven't lied to me about things filling requirements. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I'm going to do after that. Work? AHAhahah. Probably not. Graduate school? Maybe, depending on deadlines. But for what? And THEN what do I do with it? I AM NOT ACTUALLY COMPETENT IN ANYTHING YOU GUYS. D:

This winter semester thing is fun. 3 units in 10 days sounds like a great idea, and it does keep me from getting bored and blowing the class off. But it's also a week's worth of work every day. For two weeks. Complete with tests and papers. And it starts at 8am, whether or not I'm able to get to sleep before 3am. So I haven't slept more than five hours in a row since monday last week, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and not talk to anyone ever again.

Despite original disagreements, I think we've gotten people to agree to the guest-list being roughly 40 people? For now? We'll see, I guess. To me, that's like...jeezus, FORTY PEOPLE? Do I know that many people? But we had like 100 to start with. I was foreseeing mad panic attacks or completely drugged-out incoherence in my future. :Db Good times! No seriously, can we just run away? Elvis can marry us, and we'll just hide out until everyone forgets we ever said anything. Okay? Okay? Bueller?

And to top it all off, I'm getting sick, and haven't been able to keep any food down except a few crackers since this morning. ROCK.

-Walked Finn around an increasingly-crowded local park. Christmas displays are A++. Cute construction-worker girl who petted Finn, A++. Creepy-ass hordes of drunk-at-10am businessmen? F-.

-Went to class. This should not feel like an accomplishment.

-Did not nap! (self, why are you so tired all the time these days, wtf?)

-Sat around on the couch for a few hours, vaguely screwing around on the computer and sulking for all the time that I wasn't napping.

-Did my reading for American Lit. :Db Poe is kind of fucking awesome; somehow, I always forget.

-Realized that filing my graduation paperwork meant I had to start figuring out wtf I'm going to do with myself after school. Since it looks like we won't be moving to Seattle after all--or, at least, not in January anyway--I get to start back at the beginning on this. Just as I had gotten accustomed to the idea, too. >:( Spent two hours or so crying/freaking out my dog.

-Half-way done with the AmerLit paper I was supposed to be writing yesterday. >.> This is...like progress?

-Lost two turns to re-reading bits of Z/C/S christmas-fluff. Did not pass 'Go'. Paper still incomplete.

-Moar screwing around on the internet, IJ not least. Sigh. Can I just hide now?

OH NOES!!!!1 THAT POOR CUTE LITTLE GIRL FORCED TO SEE HER DIRTY LESBIAN TEACHER GET MARRIED!!!! WHAT DO HER PARENTS THINK?



...Er, wait. What? Yes on 8, surely you didn't just...

Protecting the children, huh? How 'bout protecting them from political exploitation first?

Also? This is fabulous. <3


/Edit: And WTF is this? THREATS now? Yes on 8 has to try and extort donations? ...maybe, you know, if you have to lie to and threaten people in order to convince them? Maybe you're wrong.

Probably you all know about the pitched campaign that the Church of Latter-day Saints is waging on behalf of Prop 8. Maybe you've read news articles about it, or seen some of their adds. Lately, they've had a flyer--also used by other opponents of equal marriage rights--on the supposed consequences of not passing Prop 8.

This morning, a morman lawyer posted a memo on why this entire argument is "untrue" and "misleading". To those in support of Prop 8: If you have to lie to reasonable people to convince them to vote yes, then what does that say about your valid arguments? Lies and bigotry speaks poorly of ANY religion.

http://www.noonprop8.com/downloads/Thurston-Memo.pdf

I've been riding the buses a lot lately. Not to get anywhere, just to ride. Also, my sleeping habits are shot to hell; I keep sleeping when I'm not tired just to avoid having to figure out what to do with myself, and then not being able to sleep all night because of nightmares/worrying/my brain generally hating me. These are not good signs for me.

Michael is being really successful right now with his programming thing--he was in the print version of the Wall Street Journal for crying out loud!--and Popcap basically told him, "tell us what we'd have to offer you to hire you right now". Which, I mean, is a great opportunity for him, and I totally do support him in pursuing it and everything, cause I mean...who gets that kind of offer? But... I don't know. I'm going to graduate pretty soon, and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself at that point. I don't want to be that far away from my family and all my friends--that kind of isolation was 90% of why I hated Hawaii so bad, and it's like...now we're going to do that again? And also I'm starting to feel kind of like...not like I'm in competition with someone exactly, but like I have to keep up with someone really driven and successful and ambitious, and it's been pretty thoroughly demonstrated that I don't do well with that.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I'm really sick of losing everything and having to start over from the beginning precisely as soon as I start to feel like maybe I've got my shit halfway together.

It is really not helpful for you to spend the hour-and-a-half before aikido class fighting with yourself over how much you don't want to go, and you really could just skip just this one time.... No. If you skip again, you might as well just withdraw. AND YOU LIKE THIS CLASS, remember? WTF? Really very fail.

No love at all,
Me

Yesterday, we got a call from Global Exchange (or rather, Global Exchange Vacation Group, which is a completely different and much less legitimate company, though they neglected to mention this at first), telling us that we'd won a free trip. The woman I spoke to gave me a bit of official spiel, then asked for some confirmation data on us. I'm figuring at this point that this is probably a scam, since they had our address wrong and other minor stuff, and had been calling me Ms. Fromwiller this whole time (which I typically just respond to, since it's easier than wasting my time explaining). We spend several rounds going "Are you married?--No. So you're single?--No, we're partners. So you're married?--NO." as I get increasingly offended by her complete inability to grasp the concept of cohabitation. Then she says--and I shit you not--"I just want to check some personal data, make sure I'm not talking to a minor bride. Are you between 25 and 70?"

I gape for a little bit, then tell her that no, I'm twenty three, but that's not a minor since one achieves majority at 18 in the United States. She says--again, I'm not making this shit up--"Well, I'm sure you want to take advantage of this offer, so can I talk to your Mommy or Daddy?" Thoroughly enraged at this point, I grit out "My partner is 26. I'll let you talk to him." and leave Michael to deal with them. They keep him on the phone for nearly an hour, passed him off to three separate speakers, and then finally heard him saying "I want to research your company before I give you my information or make any agreements." So he hangs up, and sure enough, they're a scam company.

Tonight, they called back. Mike basically says, "Uh no, how dumb do you think I am" though my more politely than I would have managed, and they hang up.

Five minutes later, the phone rings again. It's that same woman from before, with some sob story about needing this reservation or she'll lose her job. Now--I'm horrified that someone theoretically representing their company would call us back after we've told them quite unequivocally "no", but Mike's the one one the phone and he's nicer than I am, so he agrees to her request to sign him up under false information. I stare at him for most of the whole conversation like--why the fuck would you waste time on these people? They're rude, they're unprofessional, and they're trying to scam you!! Argh. Little over an hour later, he FINALLY gets off the phone, and we get back to trying to get dinner on.

Five minutes after that, the phone rings AGAIN. AND IT'S THAT CHICK. She's all, thank you so much, that's so nice--that email you gave us earlier, is it your real email? Mike tells her yes (but not that it's purely for junk mail and he never checks it). And she--once more, I could not make this shit up--tells him how much she wants to be friends, how VERY grateful she is, and maybe she'll send him a few pictures of her, so he'll know what she looks like, y'know...just in case he wants to... spend some time with her. ;laksdhg;lashdg;lkh I am in the kitchen, listening, watching his face get more and more creeped-out looking, and I just. INCANDESCENT RAGE.

WTF? Seriously. Seriously, wtf. Life: You're doing it wrong, lady.



In other news? The Doctrine of Labyrinths series by Sarah Monette is really good. I just finished The Virtu, and I enjoyed it immensely.

So, I'm standing at the little market today, trying to decide whether I care if my lemons are organic or not, and I hear this little click. Curious, I turn around, and there's some weirdo taking pictures of me and finn.

"Excuse me, wtf ru doin?" I ask. He goes off on some spiel about being from the Mercury News, doing a report on grocery stores, can he take my picture? I'm like--Don't you usually ask BEFOREHAND? No you cannot use my picture, you are creepy and kind of an asshole. Then he sort of sneers at me. "You know that's illegal?" he asks. Well. No. As a matter of fact, I didn't. No one had ever said anything at the market--some had actually stopped to pet finn--and honestly...I mean, I'm from Carmel. People bring their dogs to restaurants. I know some places prefer you don't, but...illegal?

I just went and paid, half-way through with my shopping, and went home. Seriously, wtf? I would understand someone asking me not to bring finn in--that'd been fine. But this guy was so offensive about it... I am sick, and pms-y, and do not understand why people feel the need to hassle me every time I leave the house by myself. I really don't. Also, I want my mommy. *four-year-old face*

Dear People of San Jose,

Amazingly, not all dogs are very comfortable around strangers--canine or hominid. And even dogs that ARE shouldn't be hassled because, guess what? YOU DON'T KNOW which category a strange dog falls into. Crazy talk, I know.

In light of this, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't run up behind me and start petting my dog before I know you're there. Likewise, a quick "Does your dog do well with other dogs?" is generally considered polite before you let your barking, growling mutts run right up into his face.

Please don't whistle to or call my dog over when I'm talking to someone who isn't you, or indeed at any time unless I've indicated previously that I want my dog (and me, at the other end of that leash, remember) anywhere near your creepy-ass face.

I shouldn't even have to say this--yes, drunk gaggle of posturing idiots, I'm talking to you--but if you're walking up to a lone woman and her cute little fluffball, you win NO COOL POINTS for growling at the dog until it decides you're a threat. And, when I ask you to please not freak my dog out, you're not fooling anyone when you wait until you're two steps behind my back and start growling again and add some barking. Next time, I will let Fin bite you, you stupid fuck, and when the police come I will--quite accurately--tell them that you and your five friends felt the need to threaten me when I was alone, and you can go to jail. With your dog bites. So fuck off.

All you nice people who talk to me and then wait until I lead Fin over to coo and pet him? Thank you for not sucking. Carry on.

--The management.

Yesterday, Michael and I went to the store to pick up some stuff for dinner. He was a little way off, grabbing the cart, while I walked ahead into the store. I get a few feet through the door, and suddenly there's this very large man--maybe danny's age?-- looming over me a few inches away and behind my shoulder. "Partridge family, right? That tattoo--it's the partridge family symbol?" The tone of voice wasn't actively threatening, but it was definitely obnoxious; I said "Ha ha" in a monotone and walked off quickly, scared and spitting mad. I felt like...I'm just trying to buy rice, here. What the fuck gives him the right to try and start shit?

Michael catches up to me, and he's mad at me. Apparently, he heard my reply, looked up to see us already a foot or two apart, and had to stand there while the guy muttered his apology, looking completely lost as to why I would have behaved so rudely. Michael didn't know either.

The thing is, though, is that this isn't an isolated incident. I get strangers hassling me pretty close to every time I leave the house alone. Strangers will come up behind me and start touching my tattoo when I leave it bare, or I get comments like "OOoh--is that a penguin? Tough tat!" or "Yee-ah, I like chicks with tattoos, *leer*". I mean, I get hit on and have guys make derogatory remarks about other stuff too, not just my tattoo, but... y'know? I suspect rather strongly that any girls who read this will know what I'm talking about. Nothing big enough to really complain about or anything, but enough to leave you really uncomfortable, and maybe kind of scared. It pretty much never happens if I'm out with Mike, only when I'm alone.

So I'm standing there, just completely fed up that some stranger thinks it's funny or ok to try and threaten me when I'm just trying to get dinner--in an ankle-length skirt and loose tank-top!--and it turns out that, instead, I've actually just been really rude to someone who was only really socially inept instead of actively asshole-ish. And I feel really bad! And I catch myself thinking--well, I can deal with getting bothered or threatened or even hurt (because who doesn't get this kind of shit and immediately start thinking "well, if this got out of hand..."), but I don't think I can deal with being the kind of shrew who'd embarrass her mate in public. Which. True! But also kind of awful.

I've got no close to this post. I don't know what to think about it, or what I should have done. The incident bothers me, and I'm not really any closer to understanding why or feeling particularly calm about it. I know I over-reacted to the immediate situation; I knew it at the time. It's a really really minor thing on its own; it just happens so frequently. I don't know. I just reached the point where it was like--what gives you the right to get all up in my face? I'm not bothering anybody. I'm not even out on my own! You scared me and I don't appreciate it, ok? And then I felt like a total bitch for feeling that way.

Last night I went to bed at two, woke up at five, went to wake Michael up at eight (which put me back to sleep) and then woke up again at 9:30. WTF, self?

I have! Caught up on my mindless, obnoxious, unrelated to anything the hire add said it would be work for the internship, for the moment! Spent a week in Monterey--well, in Tia's house--taking care of her, since the blood clot means she doesn't get around so well atm! Made Jam! Made crazy-delicious apple pie! Cleaned my house which, oh g-d, did it ever need! Called the insurance people! Called the restaurant that overcharged us! Gone down and picked up my medicine! Worried a lot about: school, the fire down in big sur, Tia, my mom, Tiana, Sam, Danny, our lease running out and what to do after, school, whether I suck so bad at writing I should never do it again, whether I should take a concentration in technical writing, and, just for kicks, a lot of school.

I have not! Written the romance challenge piece that I wanted, or even outlined it satisfactorily. Got my shit together to see Greta I'M SORRY! or Zeana or basically anyone. Watched Hellboy 2 Hot royal elf action??. Figured out what I want to do for my birthday. Given Matt his birthday present/dinner. GONE DOWN TO TALK TO THE SCHOOL GUY OMG SELF YOU HAVE TO REGISTER LIKE YESTERDAY D: .

Nightmares: Down to roughly one a week, give or take. Woke up convinced I was lying in bed next to a corpse, this week. Yay. -_-;

Birthday mathoms written/drawn/whatever: 1 1/2

Times I've wished it were september already: 97,923,759,723,857,293,485,723,985

Amounts bid on my LLM post: $50, and $35, respectively.

So nuts, these last few weeks! O.O

So, first there were the eight bazillion papers that everyone wanted, which I got a's on. *nail buff* And then finals, which everyone always loves. I got an A in the Elizabeth class, and b+'s in both the bible and the aikido class--aikido I just really suck at, I don't know how you can NOT get an A in PE for crying out loud, but Bible I was honestly annoyed at. *shrug* So not the 4.0 I'd be hoping for, but a 3.6 GPA with my track record is nothing to sneeze at, so I'll take what I can get.

Then, like two days after my last final was fanime, which we realized at the last possible instant. The Kanda cosplay I'd been planning kind of fell through, but I did end up with a pretty cute Mitsuru and a decent gothic lolita get-up. We ended up getting like 10 hours of sleep the whole weekend, though, and it was really cold (esp. in my costumes which, while considerably more modest than some, weren't exactly warm) and we kind of ate whatever or didn't given the severe lack of vegetarian food available at con and our unwillingness to miss stuff, so it shouldn't have been surprising that I was woozy the whole last day and sick for the next week pretty much there-after. My throat is still sore, though I'm not nauseated or exhausted anymore, and the headache is gone. Friday Christina got her wisdom teeth out, so she stayed the weekend with us, which was kind of hilarious in that between the medicine she was on that knocked her out and me being sick, there was a lot more competitive sleeping going on than actual socializing. *Fail-lol*

But today I was feeling much better and was very productive! The house got a much-needed cleaning, and I got a resume pulled together and wrote some cover-letters and applied to a bunhc of different internships for the summer (keep your fingers crossed?). Michael found a job just like the one he had in hawaii only better paying friday after business hours, but when he went to check it out today it was already filled, so he's back to looking. :( But either way, hopefully neither of us will be bored this summer.

What's everyone else doing?

I know I'm kinda spamming here, but I think this needs attention brought to it:

The Open Source Women Back Each Other Up Program
http://vito-excalibur.livejournal.com/173664.html

Short version of the background is ( Someone played Entitlement H0r and others didn't like it ) Further information is at the link above.

So, the OSWBEOUP (and Gentleman's Auxiliary) basically involves keeping an eye out for the people around you. If you're out drinking, and there's a girl at the bar next to you getting felt up by some dude her father's age and she looks really uncomfortable? This is a standing invite to break through the Someone Else's Problem barrier and go over and help her out. Ask if she can show you where the bathrooms are. Be Very Friendly (tm) at the creep until she can get away. Invite her to your table (if you can keep Creep from following). And guys? If you see one of your friends being THAT GUY? If you're watching one of your boys get some girl drunk to "help her be more friendly" or try to "wear down" some girl who's already told him no half a dozen times? Friends don't let friends be creeps. Take him aside and remind him that she's a person too, and not a thing he has a right to use. It's sad, but a lot of the time, when someone's being THAT GUY, he's not going to hear it when a woman tells him to quit acting like a creep, where he might hear it coming from you. Apply the "how would I like him doing this to my sister?" rule.

So yeah, class now. But! Check out the link. Click the links there. People have some really bright, important things to say in this mess, and some good things are coming out of it.

This is such a bad idea, on so ridiculously many levels. Seriously, does anyone at the pentagon ever look at this stuff and go, "Hey, y'know what, guys? Let's NOT develop the technology to render a living creature a robotic droid helpless to whatever commands we upload to it's tiny brain. Let's just go get some beers instead."

Also, have an awesome comic on the subject.

http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000435.html

This might be a dumb question, but...this site? It's a joke, right? I mean... the "product" kind of looks clay-molded, and I kind of can't believe that something this cruel and dehumanizing could be real, so I'm kind of hoping that it's an art project or a societal critique of some sort. But, usually with that sort of thing? They include a little "just kidding!" disclaimer somewhere on their site, and I'm... just not seeing it anywhere.

( Slightly disturbing image under the cut )

Hopefully, it's a joke. Either way, it creeps me the hell out, kind of a lot. O.O

I have been on the phone ALL FREAKING DAY. *wants to die a little* *also, never to speak out loud again*

1) My mommy is the best mommy ever. After like, five or six local people being like "Um? Do I know you? Plz go away now." at me over the interview thing, trying for literally weeks to get someone to talk to me? Mom gives me a list of people she knows this morning, like "Give them a call, they'll be cool" and I already have someone set up to talk to me wends. morning. The major lesson I've learned from this whole exercise? It's not what you know, it's totally who you know. *headdesk*

2) SJSU can suck my metaphorical boyparts. Seriously. I've called them three times AND sent them an email at this point just trying to figure out whether my application is complete. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION, OK? So it looks like I won't be able to come home next semester after all. -_- I just. Seriously, guys. Seriously. *cries*
The woman at applications won't even talk to me. Isn't it her JOB to answer questions? The phone goes to her when you push the "for more detailed questions..." button. Why?

3) Whatever genius decided that signing up for next semester's classes during finals crunch-time was a good idea? Should be dragged out back and shot. I seriously hate this place so much, omg. Why does everyone here suck so bad?

Things that suck a lot:

*Instead of knowing whether I'd be moving this week, like I thought? I got to spend 45 minutes on hold with SJSU over a minor transcript thing only to find out that I wouldn't know until they got my FINAL transcript (not the in-progress one)... sometime around dec. 20th. Four or five days AFTER we were supposed to come home.

*My final project for editing is to interview a local professional editor. I HATE being forced to talk to strangers, esp strangers who have no reason to help me outside the goodness of their hearts. It feels a lot like begging. These are busy people! Who don't even work for the school! It shouldn't be their job to help me with my schoolwork. D:<

*I think I might be coming down with something; I've had a low-level headache for the last three days or so straight, and keep falling asleep. Argh. NOT THAT I HAD THINGS TO DO OR ANYTHING. Poor game, body. Poor game.

Things that suck less:

*We had a massive thunderstorm this morning, right outside our building, and the fog was so thick we literally couldn't see a thing out the windows and the thunder was really really loud and it was fun.

*This guy makes my ovaries flutter like butterfly wings. He's so cute, and such a good boy and his mom is so lucky! He says his mom is his best friend. *jealous!* I want three or four just like him. Cloning technology is really coming along, right? Lord knows he's never going to reproduce.

Invalid video URL.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4POpGXm0AQ&eurl=http://lj-toys.com/?journalid=563452&moduleid=8&auth_token=sessionless:1195855200:embedcontent:563452%268iurl=http://img.youtube.com/vi/-4POpGXm0AQ/default.jpg

In the continuing tradition of responding to trauma with the need to tramatize EVERYONE ELSE JUST AS BAD. I want to unsee this.

/Edit: Omg, you guys. It's like, some sort of...genre. O.O