Lissiel's Journal

Yesterday, we got a call from Global Exchange (or rather, Global Exchange Vacation Group, which is a completely different and much less legitimate company, though they neglected to mention this at first), telling us that we'd won a free trip. The woman I spoke to gave me a bit of official spiel, then asked for some confirmation data on us. I'm figuring at this point that this is probably a scam, since they had our address wrong and other minor stuff, and had been calling me Ms. Fromwiller this whole time (which I typically just respond to, since it's easier than wasting my time explaining). We spend several rounds going "Are you married?--No. So you're single?--No, we're partners. So you're married?--NO." as I get increasingly offended by her complete inability to grasp the concept of cohabitation. Then she says--and I shit you not--"I just want to check some personal data, make sure I'm not talking to a minor bride. Are you between 25 and 70?"

I gape for a little bit, then tell her that no, I'm twenty three, but that's not a minor since one achieves majority at 18 in the United States. She says--again, I'm not making this shit up--"Well, I'm sure you want to take advantage of this offer, so can I talk to your Mommy or Daddy?" Thoroughly enraged at this point, I grit out "My partner is 26. I'll let you talk to him." and leave Michael to deal with them. They keep him on the phone for nearly an hour, passed him off to three separate speakers, and then finally heard him saying "I want to research your company before I give you my information or make any agreements." So he hangs up, and sure enough, they're a scam company.

Tonight, they called back. Mike basically says, "Uh no, how dumb do you think I am" though my more politely than I would have managed, and they hang up.

Five minutes later, the phone rings again. It's that same woman from before, with some sob story about needing this reservation or she'll lose her job. Now--I'm horrified that someone theoretically representing their company would call us back after we've told them quite unequivocally "no", but Mike's the one one the phone and he's nicer than I am, so he agrees to her request to sign him up under false information. I stare at him for most of the whole conversation like--why the fuck would you waste time on these people? They're rude, they're unprofessional, and they're trying to scam you!! Argh. Little over an hour later, he FINALLY gets off the phone, and we get back to trying to get dinner on.

Five minutes after that, the phone rings AGAIN. AND IT'S THAT CHICK. She's all, thank you so much, that's so nice--that email you gave us earlier, is it your real email? Mike tells her yes (but not that it's purely for junk mail and he never checks it). And she--once more, I could not make this shit up--tells him how much she wants to be friends, how VERY grateful she is, and maybe she'll send him a few pictures of her, so he'll know what she looks like, y'know...just in case he wants to... spend some time with her. ;laksdhg;lashdg;lkh I am in the kitchen, listening, watching his face get more and more creeped-out looking, and I just. INCANDESCENT RAGE.

WTF? Seriously. Seriously, wtf. Life: You're doing it wrong, lady.



In other news? The Doctrine of Labyrinths series by Sarah Monette is really good. I just finished The Virtu, and I enjoyed it immensely.

So, I've been all stressed out and pissy at the world in general lately, yeah? Like... 'oh man, why does everyone in the whole world have to suck so bad? >:( '? And then I was poking through darkeyedwolf's recommendation/review of the new j-drama Rookies, tonight? And I got as far as this line:

"Violence is the delinquent equivalent of flashing his panties."

H-how can you hate a world that gives you a reason to ever use that sentence? I don't even know what she's talking about! *kind of dying over here* Also that guy, shirota yuu, from HanaKimi is in it. I. I think I recognize as many japanese actors by sight as I do american ones now. W-whut?

Needless to say, I'm downloading the first episode as we speak. <3

So. I've been talking to people about this, and recently ran into a number of people from highschool that I haven't talked to in ages, and I've been thinking.

I really... back in the day, when I was so messed up in the head, I hated myself so much, and I wasted so much time not being able to see myself or the people around me clearly. And, I mean, I know I still can't to a large degree, but now... I don't know. I feel like, I spent so long being unhappy, making choices to punish myself, and feeling like I couldn't--for whatever dumb reasons I had--just go ahead and make choices that would make me happy.

I've felt this for a while now, but... I don't want that anymore. I want to just make choices that will make me happy, and whatever excuses I've been giving myself can just be worked around. I don't want to hold back anymore. I don't want to regret so much. I don't want to be afraid, constantly, that something somehow might go wrong. I look at the people around me--Tia's resilience, Mom's aggressive competence, Daniel's generous spirit, Michael's kindness, all of them--and I think... me too. I want to be like that too. I know I still have a long way to go, but. I want to start. *

In more concrete terms, this means a couple of things. One, I'm coming home. I'm glad I came here; I learned a lot, both personally and academically, and I'm glad I proved what I had to prove. But I hate being here by myself, isolated from everyone, and if I can NOT do that and still get a good education? That's what I'm going to do.

Two, it means that I'm going to go vegetarian, and flirt with how I like vegan options. I've wanted to do this for a while, and never did because I always felt like it would cause too much trouble to the people around me, and I had to cook meat for Michael or I'd be a bad girlfriend, and... etc. And that's just dumb. It's best for me health-wise, it's congruent with my personal ethical values, and I enjoy veggie food ten times more than I've ever enjoyed meat. Not doing this is punishing myself. I'm stopping.

Three, I want to spend time with people. I'll still require a good amount of time to myself--I think that's just how I work, rather than a problematic habit--but I want to make sure I go out and do things too. I'm going to go out and hang out with people and if they have injokes I don't get, or if I feel like an outsider or whatever, that's ok. I'm not going to judge myself against people like Z who make it look easy anymore. You guys might have to be patient with me on this one though. Loving, supportive friends are really really important.

I realize this is kind of hella late in coming, but. *shrug* There it is.

In completely unrelated news? ( This arashi fanvid makes my heart want to explode. *headdesk* )
I've become one of those fans, haven't I?


* Entertainingly enough? Just as I was writing this? Matsujun's song "La Familia" came on Itunes. The lyrics fit so well!
Understanding myself, and vaguely knowing what kind of place I'm at
During the times when I couldn't trust in anyone,
during the times when I couldn't see my surroundings clearly,
there have been instances where I've wasted a lot of time,
and instances where I understand clearly yet still cannot do it
Taking each step with my own feet, surpassing the barriers, that is the present
"These past five years, I've never been alone."
Experiencing this everyday, I walked through five years.
Ilusm, Itunes.